Naomi girson | opinions editor

“It is only a test.’’

I wrote my mantra over and over again on sticky notes, on scratch paper and in notebooks over the last few months.

On Oct. 9, at 11:15 a.m. I took the Law School Admission Test (LSAT), an assessment I had been preparing for since June. I felt good about the test, and I, of course, selected the answers that I felt were right. Now I just wait to know if my answers are aligned with some higher power (the test grader).

I find out my score on Oct. 28, which has put me in a limbo state of sorts. I feel like I am sitting, comfortably, in a three-week waiting room. It’s all up to fate now.

But I don’t mind it so much.

The whole ordeal felt oddly spiritual to me, especially for it being so standardized. I was enduring this mind game, this field exam that feels like it’s designed to weed people out of law school. I had to put all of myself into this test.

I am proud of myself for having a little bit of discipline and taking a step toward my future, and almost more than that, I was really grateful to have the opportunity and resources to take the LSAT at all. I was actually enthusiastic to get to put my brain to work and just take the damn thing already.

In the weeks before the test, I spent a lot of time thinking about what it all really meant — hence the mantra that I would write down at least 10 times before I took my weekly practice tests at a local library.

I tried to tap into the universe. At night, I tried to envision myself already having the score I desired. I prayed before bed and on my drives to school. I told everyone in my life about it, from co-workers to friends to family.

Because I had been making such a big deal about the whole thing, my best friend got me my favorite candy and drink and wrote me a letter so heartfelt I teared up when I read it.

My other very close friend sent me a Starbucks gift card of the “you got this” variety, along with her personal message: “You are going to kill it on the LSAT. You law school GOAT.”

Taking the LSAT is a big deal. It was important for me to make a big deal of it all, to really remind myself what I was trying to endure here.

So I really appreciate everyone around me who at least tried to think of me at 11:15 a.m. that sunny October morning.

While I took the test, I actually enjoyed myself. I had been waiting for the day for so long. And I was sitting in cubicle number seven, which felt like a lucky sign to me.

Some people take it and then immediately schedule to take it again.

I only want to take it once, which isn’t really standard practice. I know there’s no shame in taking it again, and it’s not a big deal, but I really, really want this time to be good enough.

I spent so much time studying, but I also spent a lot of time just preparing myself for whatever comes of this assessment.

I almost feel as though I have detached myself from the numerical results of the test. It means everything, but it will ultimately mean nothing if I want it to.

It is only a test.

I just have to repeat my mantra a few more times and wait a little bit longer to see how it looks on the other side.

Naomi Girson can be reached at girsonn@duq.edu