Sydney Hackenberg | staff writer

It is really strange to live out of a suitcase in your own bedroom.

My room has always been one of my favorite places. After a long day of high school, I longed to lay in my bed, watch a TV show and smother myself by the mound of blankets I kept stocked in my room. My bedroom is not flashy or professionally designed — it is honestly pretty quaint, but that is what makes it so perfect.

The walls that I have decorated represent how I have grown over the years — painted initials of my name from when I was 8, my favorite F. Scott Fitzgerald quote from when I was 10 and the picture wall above my desk that I crafted at 16.

Last weekend was my first time back home since moving into college two months ago. It was like my room had been frozen in time from when I left in August. The only difference was the noticeable dents in my closet from all the clothes I brought to school with me.

I honestly thought that going home would feel perfectly normal. I already made the awkward transition into college — my house should feel recognizable. The three-and-a-half hour drive back felt just like all the other times I made the drive, so I was sure that nothing would be different.

My house still smelled like the apple cinnamon candle we always lit, the TV remote still sat in its usual spot on our coffee table and my favorite spot on the couch felt exactly the same as I talked into the late hours of the night with my mom. As I stepped back into my room for the first time in months, I felt weird. At first, I thought that my bed got lower, but I have just been accustomed to climbing into a dorm bed for the last eight weeks. It was just as clean as I had left it, and absolutely nothing had changed, but I think that is what made it feel so strange.

My room is plastered with high school memories: Prom, homecoming, football games and side quests with my friends. My room feels like my high school self, a part of my life that I no longer resonate with, nor do I necessarily want to resonate with again.

I am not saying I have truly “changed” just by being away from home for two months, but I feel like I have been experiencing a lot of growth. College is a completely different experience.

Duquesne is the complete opposite of what my small town back home is like. It is not just the location, but the added responsibility of being a college student that is new to me. I am living on my own, buying my own food, working and having my own adventures. Over break, I found myself asking my mom, “can I go see…” before she reminded me that I am an adult and do not have to ask permission to leave the house to see my friends.

Even just coming up with this article for my college newspaper in my childhood bedroom was weird. The convergence of my college life and home life over break felt like mixing oil and water. I am not saying that being home is worse than being at college or vice versa. Eight weeks of college as opposed to 969 weeks at home is not really a fair comparison to make quite yet, and I am sure that I will continue to have moments of ambiguity over the next four years.

But there have always been two people I could rely on whether at home or at Duquesne.
 

Honestly, what I was most looking forward to while venturing back home was seeing my best friends (sorry, Mom and Dad). Through most of my high school memories, they were right by my side, and these two months were excruciatingly long for all of us.

While my bedroom might have felt different, there was nothing different about seeing my best friends for the first time in months. Since we all parted ways in August, we have stayed in touch and shared our different college experiences, which helped make the initial adjustment easier. I drove to pick them up just like  I did in high school and we picked up exactly where we left off, being our goofy and unhinged selves. Of course, we had to get Taco Bell, our go-to restaurant, and from there we just yapped and carried on like no time had passed.

There was nothing different to our friendship. We were just happy to be reunited in each other’s company. I found a lot of comfort in that, knowing that while there may be changes happening in all of our lives, we can still be each other’s anchors.

While home may be different for me, there are still so many aspects of it that have remained the same. While I do not resonate with the memories all around the walls of my bedroom like I had four months ago, the people I made those memories with are still important people in my life. My life at college and life at home are very different — that is to be expected with such a major adjustment. Life is just changing, and I think I am okay with that.

Sydney Hackenberg can be reached at hackenbergs@duq.edu